The Wedding Invitation
by adriatic-air
Summary: When Naruto receives a wedding invitation out of the blue, his life comes crashing to a halt. In despair, he goes to a bar, where he engages in somewhat difficult conversation and finds out the truth. Crack SasuNaru oneshot.


The Wedding Invitation 

It was absolutely pouring with rain. The sky overhead was covered with black storm clouds, lightning flashed every few seconds and the thunder was deafening. Any poor shinobi who had the misfortune to travel out of doors at this time of the year would have found it difficult to remain upright under the furious onslaught of rain bombs.

Which was why the mail arrived late, damp and flimsy at a certain apartment, even with the help of the mail delivery no jutsu.

Uzumaki Naruto, Konoha's number one most surprising ninja and owner of said apartment, had been in the kitchen devouring an extra large cup of cup ramen (cold weather always made him twice as hungry) at the particular time of delivery. Upon hearing the slight rustle of paper that indicated something had just been pushed under the crack in his door, he dropped everything; noodles, bowl, chopsticks and rushed to the living room in a flurry of orange pajamas. It wasn't every day, after all, that our demon vessel got mail.

Picking up the white envelope with barely-disguised glee, he turned it over. _I wonder who this is from. Maybe it's Sakura-chan! _

And that was when the lights in his apartment went off, plunging the apartment into instant darkness. The storm raged outside, the wind howled and lightning chose that moment to flash dramatically across the delicate silver printing of the envelope, illuminating the words

Wedding Invitation 

for a brief second. A clap of thunder followed soon after.

A very bad feeling made itself known in Naruto's gut.

Cursing loudly, he rushed to the kitchen for some candles and matches, his thoughts currently awhirl, and running somewhere along the lines of _Who's getting married why haven't I heard oh god oh god what if it's Sakura-chan if Lee tried anything without telling me I will tear out his intestines and feed them to Akamaru so HOKAGE HELP ME._ With shaking fingers, he managed to light the candle after the third box and proceeded to rip the card out of the envelope, tearing it in the process.

This is what it said:

_Haruno Sakura_

_and_

_Uchiha Sasuke_

_request the honour of your presence_

_at their marriage_

_on Saturday, _

_the sixteenth _

_of September _–

Naruto stopped reading. He decided to try again, once more, from the top. Because obviously, his brain was still in sleep mode. There was no way, no way in hell, ha ha, that – and then his eyes zeroed in on the one name that was still stubbornly refusing to disappear.

In one of the rare moments of his life, Uzumaki Naruto's face went stark white.

Now, even though things were heating up inside of the apartment right now, outside, it was anything but _hot_. Rain continued pouring down relentlessly, and all the shinobis stuck out-of-doors were officially freezing their asses off and/or getting wrinkled at the same time. However, if you were lucky, and happened to be a raindrop that had landed right on the window of Naruto's apartment, at that particular moment in time, and got stuck there due to some yet unexplained force of nature, this is what you would not have missed:

**A blonde boy reading a card.**

But wait, it gets better.

Blondie's eyes stop and stare into space for approximately 3 minutes.

A Maniacal glint appears in his baby blue eyes.

He disappears from view. Rummaging is heard.

Ooh, A blender is found. Said blender is taken out.

Blondie drops card into blender, closes lid and _hits_ HIGH SPEED.

There is a slight _crack_ as his finger joint breaks in the process.

A roaring whirring noise is heard.

Paper is shredded.

Then, paper is shredded some more.

And _then_, paper is shredded even more.

Whirring noise finally stops.

Blondie reaches into blender, snatches a handful of its contents, and tosses it into the air like confetti.

He repeats the process until no more is left in the blender.

Tiny pieces of white flutter around and decorate the kitchen like an army of snowflakes. A few even land in his hair.

And. There is a very long pause.

Then Blondie walks out of the kitchen with apparent calm, goes to a corner of the apartment and starts kicking at part of the wall. In the same spot. Over and over again.

He stops when a big hole appears, bringing in the rain.

Blondie then turns to look at you. A crazed expression is on his face. Uh oh.

At that point, you, being only a raindrop, would have vaporized into non-existence.

When Naruto finally regained his senses, he realised that the window he was currently staring at was steaming up and a small patch was completely dry. He blinked, and rain fell against the glass again. He abruptly stood up, and tried to recall what had happened. A small draft near his feet forced his attention to a hole in the wall.

Oh.

Walking into the kitchen where the lone candle was still standing, Naruto looked at the pieces of paper on the floor. Then he remembered.

Of_ course_, only _Sakura's_ wedding would affect him this much. The fact that Sasuke was the other party had absolutely nothing to do with the rage that was slowly but surely, building up again. Taking a deep breath, Naruto willed himself to keep calm, …and suddenly all the fight went out of him just like the air out of his lungs. He sank to the floor in a forlorn heap, feeling drained.

What was this feeling?

Why was he feeling this way? Inexpressible hurt and utter depression were not exactly new to him, but they weren't common either. His heart felt like it'd been wrapped up in barbed wire, and someone had just tightened the coils. There was even a lump in his throat, to top it all.

He shouldn't be feeling this way. His two ex-teammates were still very good friends of his after all those years, and he should be feeling happy for them. Granted, he would have pounded any one who even so much as showed an interest in Sakura, but it was in his nature to express concern in a big-brotherly, protective way. If Sakura wanted to be happy with someone, he wouldn't have stopped her. He cared for her, after all.

Then why on earth did he feel like ripping her to _fucking_ pieces all of a sudden?

A small part of his brain was reminding him that he was leaving Sasuke out in his mental thought process. Still yet a bigger part of his brain was trying to block out the very name.

Too late. An image of the Sasuke-teme rose unbidden in his mind, and the thought of losing his dark-haired friend made tears spring into his eyes. Naruto blinked, then gave himself a little shake. _Losing his friend? _Wait, it wasn't like Sasuke was going anywhere. He would still be here in Konoha, after all. Naruto tried to console himself, but the gut-wrenching feeling just wouldn't dissipate. In fact, the thought of Sasuke being happily married in Konoha made the hurt even worse.

Thinking of Sasuke not only made his heart hurt more, but his brain muddled too. So Naruto turned his thoughts firmly back to Sakura. And at the same moment, a white-hot burning flared up near the region of his chest, and spread throughout his body, entering his limbs and appendages, making him tremble. It took a while to identify this new feeling, but he realized it was jealousy. Senseless anger that twisted and grappled with his insides, poured into his heart, and almost took control of his mind. He closed his eyes against the onslaught of turbulent emotions and slammed his head back against the wall. What was going on? He was jealous of Sasuke wasn't he? It wasn't fair, to steal! No, it wasn't fair at all! His feelings were so much stronger! Why should they deserve each other!

Eyes shut, he pictured. Dark, silky hair. Midnight eyes. Pale, pretty features. Smooth, controlled voice. Perpetual look of cool disdain and faint iciness. And most recently, _warmth and laughter_. That was all his, dammit! His and his alone! Nobody, nobody! should be allowed to share in the raven-haired goodness– _ohgodwaitaminute_. Naruto's heart stilled for several seconds.

He was thinking of Sasuke, wasn't he?

Naruto wanted to kill himself. A brain like his could only take so much information in a short period of time.

The rain had stopped.

Naruto now knew four things. One, Sasuke and Sakura were getting married. Two, he was in love with the former, or at least, deeply attracted to him. Three, he was going to hunt either of them down and drag answers out of them if it was the last thing he did. Four, he hoped he could find Sakura first, because he had no idea what would happen if he met Sasuke.

Having thus organized his brain and memorized his facts, Naruto nodded once in grim determination, and stepped out of his apartment onto the streets. It was night, and darkness had settled over the village of Konoha. Lights lit up the busy streets in all directions, throwing a warm glow in the faces of the night-goers. Naruto walked aimlessly about, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of pink.

He had mostly given up and resigned himself to thinking things over in the morning when he passed by a bar. In fact, the Most Famous Bar in All of Konoha.

It had been since the Godaime had arrived.

The owner of the bar had even changed its previous name to the one currently flashing itself to all who cared to see: HOKAGE'S FAVOURITE SAKE COMES FROM HERE (with huge, horribly eye-catching arrows) Bar, the sign screamed. It looked like the last word had been added as an afterthought. Needless to say, the crowd poured in at all times.

Naruto heaved a giant sigh. He wasn't one for bars, particularly, but he might as well go in, because such places like the one in front of him were Treasuries of Useful Information. Jiraiya had taught his pupil well and good. And right now, Naruto had the _pressing_ urge to find out exactly how many people had received that dreaded invitation.

So Naruto walked in.

His eyes roved over the crowd, and in a split second of fatal eye contact, were inexorably drawn to those of the newly acknowledged object of his desires. _Oops._

The even black gaze was cutting a precise, distinct line through the smoky atmosphere of the bar.

The air immediately heated up a couple of thousand degrees, and Naruto could feel his face burning unpleasantly. It was all due to the fact that Sasuke was giving him one of his _naturally _smoldering looks, of course.

Naruto's mouth tried to form words, and failed.

Dark lashes lowered ever so slightly. Naruto's heart ceased function in the process doing a wild acrobatic move. A truly hapless victim of the killer goodlooksgenjutsu, averting his eyes became a sudden inhuman feat. _Why oh why_ wasn't Sasukelooking away?

A period of time later, that most would define as approximately four seconds, which to Naruto seemed like several eons, somebody, _thank holy hell_, got up and blocked his view of Sasuke for a brief moment. _Finally_, the relief he was so desperately in need of. Taking a long overdue breath of air, Naruto quickly tried to gather his fleeing wits about him. Then, he debated running out of there, following which he mentally kicked himself for being such a coward. So, plastering a wobbly smile on his face, and trying valiantly to ignore his churning insides/trembly kneecaps/jelly-like limbs/runny bones/limp hair etc., he strode forward and slid onto the stool next to Sasuke's.

Then he leaned back slightly, wrinkling his nose.

The boy beside him positively _reeked _of alcohol. Closer up, Sasuke looked extremely drunk. He had obviously been working his way through the bottles for a long period of time. Naruto frowned. Had Sasuke perhaps mistaken him for Sakura earlier? If so, Naruto was going to have to decide on the best way to kill her. Well, whatever it was, he needed some answers. And a drunk Sasuke was a perfect opportunity.

Calling for six additional bottles of sake, Naruto turned his attention to his suspiciously quiet companion.

"Hey… what's up, Sasuke?"

A mumbled string of words met his question.

"Um, what? Didn't quite catch that."

Sasuke waved a hand weakly. "Don 'ishturrb me. Imsh gettin' dere."

There was a pause as Naruto checked his hearing, then gazed at his friend in slight awe. This was the first time Sasuke had ever opened his mouth to produce words that barely passed as human speech. A milestone in the Uchiha's history. Naruto downed his small cup of sake as fast as he could, and promptly refilled it. He could tell it was going to be a long night. Grimacing, he said,

"Where?"

"De'runk."

"Huh?"

"M'rooooooooooon."

Okay, this was _not_ like Sasuke at all, and yet, in a way, it most definitely was. Naruto had to bite back a sudden fit of hysterical laughter that was only one part amusement. But he managed to sober immediately after remembering what he had been originally there for. Right now, as he studied Sasuke in the dim half-light of the bar, he couldn't imagine the dark-haired beauty in front of him with Sakura, or any_girl_ else. He was falling deeper into this love thing, wasn't he?

"Sasuke, listen. Are you getting married?"

There was no answer, but Naruto could have sworn he saw Sasuke slump further over his drink.

"Sasuke?"

"Wha' zit. Go awaysh. Ahm fine."

"No, no, you're not fine at all, Sasuke. You're drunk, and you're telling me why."

So saying, Naruto finished the first bottle of sake and started on the second. After all why not? He was in the mood for a big fat pounding hangover the next day. Might even drown the pain and hurt that should come with it after the initial shock and binge drinking had worn out.

He was halfway through his third when there came a reply.

"Ahm sh'cared."

Naruto wiped his lips. "Care to tell me why?"

"O'-of, gettin' m'rried."

Naruto's heart sank like a rock. So it was true then, he thought miserably. He could see the two of them already, on their wedding day. The wedding bells, the flowers, and the wedding cake. Even hear the twittering of birds, if it was held in the open. Oh, how far away Sasuke seemed at the moment. He thought he'd known Sasuke so well, sometimes better than Sasuke himself. It was mind numbing to realize he had been wrong all this time. He idly wondered if he was in a dream.

"You don't have to, you know." What was he doing? Grasping at the straws? Could anyone blame him?

"Bu' ah needsh 'em sharingans. Sa'kras gotta point."

"Sakura? What did Sakura say?" The normally happy flame in Naruto's heart was slowly dying out.

"Tol'me she wanna - wan'ed' ta m'ry me. She bot me lotsa drins… drinks… dis aftrnn."

Naruto revived a little. It was taking him every single little brain cell to comprehend what was being said.

"What? Sakura-chan _proposed_ to you this afternoon? And you accepted? Just like that?"

"Ya gotta p'oblem?"

"But _why_? Sasuke! You don't love her, do you?"

"Tol'ya I needsh babies."

Naruto was silent for a long, long while. Then he realized something else.

"Wait a minute. You've been drunk since then? Do you know, that Sakura's already decided the date, and I've got an invitation?"

Sasuke finally looked up at that one, and there was no question about it. His face had gone paler than the usual paleness.

"Say wha'?" His hand shook, as he downed another gulp of sake. He looked a bit green.

"Sasuke." Naruto was almost pleading now. "Say this isn't true. You don't love her."

"Ahm gonna puke."

Sasuke slid off the stool, and would have crashed to the ground in an alcoholic heap if Naruto hadn't grabbed his arm. Then he hauled him out of the bar as fast as he could, sidestepping all the people in the way and shoved Sasuke at the nearest piece of grass outside. Where he began dry-retching rather unbecomingly as Naruto held him up.

It was in the middle of the faintly shimmering moonlight, on a strange day where everything made no sense, standing on a nondescript patch of grass, with Sasuke in his arms, and choking noises in the background, that Naruto had a strange epiphany.

He loved this boy. This person, currently going through severe hyperventilation. Shit. He was _nuts_ over Sasuke. And he hadn't the foggiest idea when it happened. More importantly, how could he have _let _Sakura get to him first? Naruto realised with a sudden queer jolt, that he was going to expire without the raven-haired bastard of his.

So when Sasuke finally shuddered and stopped, Naruto didn't let go. Wrapping his arms around Sasuke's waist tight, he couldn't _possibly_ let go. Then, as he buried his face in the nape of the long pale neck, he found himself saying, "Sasuke, I love you."

The words came out full of yearning and sorrow, and with a definite tinge of desperateness.

The body in his arms stilled and tensed.

"I-I've realized that – that I can't live without you. Did you have any idea how I felt when I saw the invitation?" Naruto buried his head deeper, the words pouring out in a rush. "I – I was crushed, I think I even went a bit mad." The words were getting muffled. "I –"

"Naruto." There was the smooth, familiar voice Naruto knew so well again. The owner of the voice didn't sound the least bit drunk, and so Naruto took the cue to shut the hell up.

Sasuke turned and faced him, staring at him with a decidedly unreadable expression gracing his pretty features. Now why, how and the HELL, was Naruto even thinking that at this point in time? Maybe because –

"You're looking really cute tonight."

Before Naruto's brain had time to register the last sentence, Sasuke had pulled his head roughly towards him, planted his lips on his and proceeded to give him a slow but thorough exploration of his mouth with his tongue. The taste of alcohol on Sasuke's tongue was bitter and tangy and overwhelming and … and then Naruto was beyond sensible thoughts.

And thus, the two engaged in sloppy, open-mouthed, hardcore snogging for any and all to see. To top it off, hands started roaming in places not even decent for public exposure.

A small nose-bleeding crowd gathered.

Tsunade, who had coincidentally decided on taking the night off to sneak to her favourite bar and get high, was struck dumb at the sight of her darling little blonde devouring a certain brunette's face, and vice versa. The raw shock robbed her of bodily functions for all of two seconds before she recovered. Then she smiled, because really, she'd been expecting this sooner or later. The boys were just _too_ stubborn, and _such_ professionals at denial.

To show her warmest congratulations, Tsunade clapped her hands loudly, shooed the excess away and marched up to the tangle of bodies.

"I gotta hand it to the two of you for still being upright. Lord knows it was time to get it on. Now, if you don't mind, it's time to HEAD HOME, and finish the rest THERE."

In the midst of his writhing, Naruto managed to actually raise one hand in slight acknowledgment, before said appendage was grabbed and used. Tsunade winced. "GUYS. DID YOU HEAR ME?"

As if in reply, Sasuke growled then nipped at an ear, and Naruto groaned and started panting heavily. Both hitai-ates were lying forgotten on the ground, and half of Naruto's jacket was off. More clothes started slipping down at speed. Both shinobis didn't move an inch from the spot they were on.

Tsunade sighed. Being Hokage, she had to do something about this. She couldn't let the whole world stand around and watch her little blonde get fucked to pieces in the most violent ways possible. Therefore, she thought it wise to yell out a warning.

"EVERYONE, GRAB EARPLUGS AND STAY AWAY. FAR, FAR AWAY."

Following that, she, being a Hokage and all, and thus talented in the art of teleportation, teleported back to her office so fast the words barely had time to circulate in the air before she was gone, choosing paperwork over mental trauma.

Her absence went unnoticed.

The sun was bright. Waaaaaaaaay too bright. Naruto blinked sluggishly. Then ten thousand needles shot through his brain and shredded it into tiny bits of gray and white matter. Right. He had a bloody freaking huge hangover. Shifting his eyelids again, he peered through them cautiously.

Blue. Sky. Clouds.

Ha ha, pretty dream. Naruto closed his eyes in contentment.

A few peaceful moments passed. Then he frowned.

Wait, what was that weight on his chest? Why were there voices around him? And, oh god, _was that a piece of rock sticking into his naked ass?_

Naruto shot bolt upright, flinging the body off him in the process, and stared around in wide-eyed shock. When his tired, hung-over, tortured brain finally registered the very body, as well as the situation they both were in, Naruto wished fervently for a handy gun to appear so he could shoot himself with it. It would rid him of the intense and complete humiliation and grant him instant death, at least.

The small population of Konoha around them was not only staring, but also gasping, screaming, yowling, clawing, bawling, fainting, nose-bleeding, clutching throats, having heart attacks, and going hysterical every which way.

This was not good.

Mothers were covering children's eyes and telling them what they saw was just a bad dream, which would go away as long as they prayed for redemption, very hard. Then whisking them away in little blurs. Also not good.

Then Naruto remembered Sakura. And he knew at once that he was so, very, very dead.

_Several hours later._

"Did you hear what happened this morning in front of the Hokage's bar?"

"No, what?"

"Sasuke and Naruto _had sex_ last night! In PUBLIC! They were found naked, and totally hung out of their minds, in the piece of grass outside the bar. By the early morning crowd, no less."

"Really. They always were a bunch of idiots."

"Yeah, tell me about it. You wouldn't happen to know how this occurred, would you?"

"Of course not. I can hardly be held accountable for such stupidity."

"You're sounding guiltier by the second."

"…"

"So, you really _don't_ know?"

"…I have to go."

So saying, Sakura brushed back a pink strand of flyaway hair, turned around, and left the Yamanaka Flower Shop with a light heart and secretive smile.

_Mission I, accomplished. _

Now, it was time for her to head over to certain apartments/manors to check for possible residual damages and produce solutions.

A breeze rustled the leaves on the trees. The sky was so very blue today.

end


End file.
